How to cope with a break-up

There are a plethora of theories, content, views, analogies, demos, videos, blogs, vlogs, possible movies too on how to deal with the quintessential-happens-to-everyone-all-the-time BREAK-UP! In my small, humble attempt to help fellow broken hearts deal with the mess that has happened (more rightfully what they created in the first place) — this article insignificantly adds to the library of the breakup content universe. But, hey — after multiple breakups including a divorce involving a child and a Tinder-hopeful relationship (that’s what I defined it as, at least) — there is some credibility here. Read along ya’ll!

KNOW WHO YOU ARE, THEN, KNOW YOUR WORTH

With all the self-love jargons and yoga poses that help you boost your already inflated ego — “the self” is paramount! Leave the ego aside. Ego screws around with you more than anyone else. You must firstly know who you are. Past all the zits and eye-bags staring at you in the mirror, look deeper, look within, know, acknowledge, undertsand and accept who you are. With your flaws, with your strengths, who you are as you are. No facades, no demeanours, no skin, just you for you. Once, you are in the vicinity of an introspection state-of-mind, understand your worth. If you find your better half behaving like a douche-bag or you are behaving like one — do understand that nobody deserves hate. Everyone is operating from an ego stand-point of thinking they are right. In few cases you are right, in few cases you might be not. Please operate from a space of “knowing who you are”. Once, you truly know who you are, you will know your true worth. You will know what went wrong. You will know what you want that will keep you happy. This forms the foundation.

ACCEPT THE SITUATION

We all love dwelling on episodes in our lives like actors in a soap opera — ohh, we all love the drama. Even the ones who claim to hate it, love it, else it wouldn’t exist, right? Am I right, or am I right! Come to absolute terms with the situation in your mind. Place the facts, place your emotions, decode the entire thesis of your relationship in your mind. Do a playback. Multiple runs of it. Join the dots. Do the sketches. Tear it all apart and do it again. But, come to terms with what the truth is. How you feel. Are you happy? Are you keeping your better half happy? Have you changed enough or still room to change and make this work? Will it ever work? Will you be at peace? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? Once you ask yourself these questions, at a soul level, your heart and mind will find common ground and you will arrive at what I like to call “50% closure”. Once, you are clear in your mind about where you stand and what you want, you give more power to yourself, over and above the situation or the other person. Because you chose for yourself.

DEALING WITH IT

It’s easier said than done. It can feel like the end of the world where your bed might seem like the only safe haven closest to the arms of the one you love (loved I meant); your break-up songs playlist might make you cry rivers of wonder, disappointment, denial, anger and confusion followed by wallowing questions like “why me?”; or the sudden hatred towards God, the universe or your poor best friend who has no relevance to the situation whatsoever! You must deal with it. Like any situation in life that comes along, time does not stop, time pushes you forward with each breath you take.

1. Vent — Find a way to vent. Your convenient way. Writing, crying, talking, screaming (not advised), exercise, an ex resorted to sleeping around after 2 days of the breakup or perhaps before (well, that’s for another post) — get it out of your system! If you have a support system of friends and family, spend time with them and talk, talk, talk. Energy is tangible, you can feel it build up within you if you don't express.
2. Party — Nobody needs to feel sad. Nobody. The more you sit around and analyse a situation that isn't a part of your present life anymore, that is already a complete waste of time. Do not be a sitting duck. Give a fuck! Head out, dinners, dance, movies, friends, travel, drives — there is so much to do, create that flow of energy. Replace the old feeling of missing them into action filled activties. And, do it consistently, for 2 weeks or more. Your body and mind will renew negative energy. Habits are formed only with time. You were “habituated” to the other person, “attached” could be another word. Once you reattach and realign your old habits to new, voila! you will be able to replace the feeling of emptiness.
3. Stop all communication with your ex — A lot of people have different opinions on this, but riddle me this, if you don’t break away from a person or situation, how do you move on from that person or situation? How does one “stay in touch” and “still move on”? Can the past and present exist in the same space of time? It is against the law of physics! You need to cut all emotional/physical contact with your ex. Period. When you break away from them (literally and figuratively) you will replace their presence. You will replace all negative emotions with positive ones. You will regenerate new memories that will help you get past thoughts and visions of your time spent with them. You will eventually move on. And, more importantly you will NOT go back to them as a habit or to reinstate the emotional connect. That is “100% closure”. When you break away, and don’t go back. Maybe, after you truly do move on, you’ll can connect back as friends, if the need arises. But, you need your time apart from each other for the break up to be a break up — else you have not broken up emotionally. Your ex is not an ex if they are in your present!
4. Make peace — Not been a hardcore fan of Gandhi, but the man did make sense in his philosophy of “Ahimsa”, non-violence. Let’s break this down further. You want to be at peace, that’s evident. How do you get that? By giving peace! There is no greater feel good factor than being a good person. No amount of alcohol, drugs, sex, money, success can match up to the feeling of being good in your heart and doing good. In doing the right thing. By being the right human. Do what it takes to make peace. Even if your ex is a warring a*hole who blames you for everything that went wrong (Oh! his existence is wrong!), make peace. Don’t settle for abuse — that’s a different legal matter, but if it is a normal break-up — make peace. There is no greater power than owning up and doing whats right. There is no greater healing than letting go, no matter what the negativity is. Releasing every ounce of emotion related to your ex.
5. Move on — While we all claim to be perfect human beings and proclaim our eternal love to the ones we love, feeling like “this is it”, “this is the one” , in my case it’s been “NOW, this is the one” (rolling my eyes, “the one” has been plural and a myth), we ultimately need to understand that everything in this world is replaceable. All relationships. Each and every person can walk in and walk out of your life. The only remnant source would be your memories with them. The rest is dust. Gone with the wind. Up, up and away. Nothing is permanent, and nothing is predictable. Predictably unpredictable. It’s ok to move on. And, you will move on. There will be love again. There will be butterflies and roses again. There will be fun again. And, hopefully — honesty, understanding and a sense of shared values, beliefs and interests.

Our time is limited and we all deserve to be happy! Do what it takes to be happy (not advisable for the nymphos), this is for normal folks who have normal lives and normal heart aches.

Time heals all wounds. Even scars fade away. Memories remain forever, while the person goes away. Respect your time spent and let go of the rest, life is nothing but a perennial test.